being a fat mod- plus sized subcultures

(me when I was around 18... yikes so about 4 years ago...)

              
(Roosevelt Matthews- You Got Me Diggin' You) 

 When I was younger, but not so much younger than now, I was really determined to be a mod. My Dad was a mod, an original mod from the 60s, working in Burtons when it was a proper tailors and spending all his money on shirts. The mod aesthetic has permeated my childhood, and shaped my tastes to this day.
I was around 16 when I plunged into being a mod. I always felt like I wasn't mod enough, being on internet forums with ageing faces who were finding it harder to fit into their sta press, proclaiming what was mod and what wasn't. Northern soul is fairly impossible to know it all. For a 17 year old girl I actually knew a hell of a lot, but in comparison to people who have spent their whole lives collecting and listening I felt like what I knew was a drop in the ocean. I never felt like I truly "got" everything and was ever good enough- clothing included.
So I kind of drifted out of it- subcultures are things I like to take certain bits from, and I can't and probably won't devote myself to one ever again.
But I am a lot fatter than when I was 17- that was me at my thinnest, and I am now at my biggest. I don't "suit" the mod look- a lot of it is androgynous and cut very close. Shirts done up make my breasts look, quite frankly, matronly, and I won't wear any kind of trousers.
But should I really care about what suits and flatters my body? The answer is yes, I still care. It's not that I want to minimise my size, but I do have curves, and boobs that are just too big for a lot of mod clothing. A lot of my staple british brands that I loved, and one day dreamed I'd be able to afford, don't stock my size. All I can do is adapt what I love and what I've grown up with, and change it to suit me.
Body positivity and acceptance is something that I feel so strongly about, but not feeling like I can be a part of something that means a lot to me is a bit galling. Should I get over it? Probably, and just wear what I want to wear and shut the fuck up. Here are clothes I'd buy if I was rich and thin- both not likely to happen-

mod staples by banksieee 

including all british brands- baracuta, John Smedley, Fred Perry (both Amy Winehouse Collection) and Bass Weejuns.